4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Randomize
