If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
