Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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