Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
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