whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
