remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
My liver is preforming stress tests.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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