I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
