"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
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