I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
