Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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