bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
