I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
