what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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