I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
