Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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