I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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