haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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