My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
