I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
