this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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