I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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