after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I need to align my fucking chakras
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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