I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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