im drinking this country out of the recession.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Randomize
