It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
she told me i tasted like america
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
