He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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