I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
