lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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