If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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