I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
