How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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