i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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