I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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