At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i think i have herpe
just one?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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