I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
