he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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