we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
