you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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