Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
