Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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