you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
