That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
