I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
