its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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