If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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