fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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