Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
