I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
