dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
