I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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