i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
