I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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