I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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