the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
