grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I would ride that face into the sunset
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
