5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
