remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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