you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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