I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Randomize
