Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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