Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
