she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
