Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
