Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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