Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
