My nipple is on Facebook.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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