I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
