**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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