Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
