I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
