Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
