some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
